Do You Remember Me?
I wish I could say I’m horribly ashamed at how long it’s been since my last posting. However, I’m not. Not really. You see, life got in the way. Suddenly it seemed like posting my funny moments on a blog was the last thing I wanted or needed to do. Until this weekend. A beloved blogger we all know and love passed away. I hadn’t talked to him in awhile, but he was one of the few male bloggers who got my twisted sense of humor. He also had a mushy side. One of our last conversations we had was about why I hadn’t posted recently. I reminded him of the sickness, the countless doctor’s trips, hospitalization, surgeries, etc. His exact words to me? “And your point is?” Damn I adored that man. So in honor of him, I shall begin blogging again when I can.
I suppose I should start the story two years ago, when I first started getting sick. My doctor first blamed it on my bad teeth (I only had a few bad ones back then.) Then she blamed it on being overweight. Well yeah I was overweight. When you can’t walk 2 blocks without falling over in a dead heap, you tend to get overweight. Didn’t seem to matter that I was barely eating enough to keep a large crow alive, or that I was vomiting every other day. She then blamed it on my high blood pressure. Well of course I have high blood pressure- I can’t walk, eat, exercise, or survive an afternoon without a damn nap. I had by all outside and inside appearances, turned into an old lady at the age of 34.
Slowly but surely, fast forward to six months ago. By then, most of the teeth in my mouth were bad, I was even more overweight, my face was swollen, and my stomach looked like it was holding a set of triplets. Not only could I barely walk, but I had days of massive pain and sickness, for no apparent reason. Doctor began ignoring my phone calls and I became a bitch. Not just the normal “I’m PMS’ing so back off” bitch, but the “I don’t want anything to do with anyone or anything” bitch. Until September 2013 when the Nipsy had FINALLY had enough and I threw a temper tantrum in the doctor’s office.
It was late September, I was in the middle of one of my massive pain bouts, I had been vomiting for hours, and I was just fed up. Luckily, my doctor’s office is just 2 minutes away by car. I managed to get my unwashed, undressed (I was still in my sweaty jammies), and extremely pissed off body over there. I stomped in, looked right at the head receptionist/medical assistant and demanded to switch doctors. I’m not sure, but I may have been screaming at that point. She looked at me, handed me a complaint form, told me to fill it out, and she’d immediately grab another doctor. So I did. I wrote down everything that bitch doctor had said, done, and not done for the last two years. I was still crying at this point, had snot running down my face, and don’t tell the teens, but I was wiping my nose on my sleeve.
So I met my new doctor that day. She is actually a nurse practitioner, with a whole shitload of initials behind her name. She listened to my complaints, touched my stomach, and gave me her diagnosis. GERD and gallstones. Boom. That’s it. No lectures about being overweight, no lectures about being a smoker, just a damn diagnosis. I fell a little bit in love with her that day. So she gave me a bunch of prescriptions to help the stomach issues (an acid burner, a nausea medication, and something else) and sent me for an ultrasound.
Five minutes. An open mind. And ears that listened. That’s all it took for someone to reduce my two years of torture into a simple diagnosis. Of course, being Nips, the saga continues into several ups and downs. But I’ll stop here for now and give you a chance to catch up. It’s good to be back in my little funky world, and I’ll try to be a better blogger from here on out.